Let’s continue with why meditation is an underrated superpower. A liberatory practice.
Pinpoint Focus with an ADHD brain and No-Mind
Training my ADHD brain to practice pinpoint focus is exceedingly useful. That is, focusing all your attention on one thing—- the breath.
I can’t tell you how impatient I have been about having to return to my breath. To the point where I’m like, “Is there anything else in the world I can focus on?!” The answer is yes. However, after trying on different practices I’ve come to actually prefer the breath as the focal point because of the inherent cyclical movement. Others I’ve tried so far are lovingkindness meditation and silent illumination.
I wouldn’t say that I’m always successful at pinpoint focus but coming back to it on the daily has forced me to continue building this muscle. There’s also this self-acceptance factor I’ve gotten the hang of (finally) where I can observe where I was with the practice that day and accept that’s where I’m at today. I’ll usually mentally note to myself and move on. “Oh, I’m feeling really distracted today. That’s good to know.”
The success is in the practice of the daily sit, not in the perfection of it.
Also, when my ADHD brain enters the state of No-Mind (when my brain isn’t fixed on any thought or feeling) I swear I feel like I’ve gotten a mind massage after I’m done. Or perhaps like my brain was fixed on a hamster wheel of The Grind and finally realized that it could get off the wheel. I systematically slow down (so it doesn’t fly off) and then stop. It takes work to get there but I know my brain thanks me.
And, in case you’re curious, the stages of meditation look like this (not in any way presenting a hierarchy where we are trying to wrestle our way to a certain outcome):
Scattered Mind
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Concentrated Mind
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Unified Mind
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No Mind
I won’t say a lot about that here but I’m notating it in case you want to look into it more.
Identifying with Thoughts
When I learned this, it Blew. My. Mind. Considering what we make our thoughts mean about life, others, or ourselves breaks generational curses; provides the foundation to create generational healing.
Our thoughts on the daily look something like this:
Scattered Thought > Wandering Thought > Story > Narrative > Identification
Scattered thoughts are just any random thought. When we attach to them or pay attention to them, it can turn into a wandering thought (a thought that connects to other related thoughts). You could think randomly, “Something smells good.” Then you could proceed to think, “I wonder if that’s dinner or coming from someone else’s house?”
The wandering thought can then turn into a story we tell ourselves. Continuing on the example above, we could tell ourselves a story about that one time where we ate dinner at a friend’s house and ended up getting so self-conscious you said something you still regret.
The story could become a narrative where we say to ourselves something like, “eating at a friend’s house we don’t know well always ends badly.”
Lastly, we could start to identify with the thought, making it mean something about someone else or about ourselves. In this case, it could be “My social anxiety means I shouldn’t have dinner at other people’s houses. I just end up arguing with them.”
This can happen in a matter of seconds. And it does- many times a day! I’ve absolutely watched people run through this progression within the course of a conversation and, similar to when I see it in myself, I simply observe it. It’s fascinating to watch happen to someone but to catch it in yourself is… like waking up from a dream. Waking up over and over.
Meditation helps us interrupt and notice the process. This ability to interrupt is the space where liberation exists. Period. Those are jedi powers, ya’ll.
There are so many times I can notice it happen but not yet in the place where I can actually break the progression. I’m along for the ride but aware of where its going. I think this is normal and simply means your brain is building the muscle but it’s not strong enough yet to flex the halt. And that’s okay.
Nervous System Reset
The last thing I want to say about what I’m learning after 4 months of sitting for meditation now is that I had a dream where I got really angry. I started pacing and wanted to discharge the energy somewhere. Then, in my dream, I thought, “Oh wait! This is a time to get curious about my angry. I can sit and observe my anger- understand it better, where it came from, what it’s contours are, where in my body I feel it.” I also thought to myself that the feeling would then dissipate as I watched it kinda like a fireworks show. And that brought me some relief too.
I quickly grabbed my meditation pillow, looking forward to the opportunity to know my anger better and thankful that I was able to interrupt the thoughts fueling my anger with curiosity… then I woke up.
I have been recognizing in my waking life when I’m deep in my feels. If I’m grieving hard, I’ll do a few things to bugger, maybe, but sometimes, more often, I’ll remember to give myself the space to let my feelings be what they need to be and sit. Slowly, as it diffuses like a balloon, my nervous system resets back down to settled. Not by forcing it down or white-knuckling through it, but by trusting the process of giving myself self-compassion and space.
We do talk a bit about the religious and spiritual implications for context but it’s not the central focus of our class. The biggest grounding is in continuing to sit and witnessing ourselves in whatever place we’re in.
I have to say that these past 4 months have been the most peaceful I’ve felt in my mind probably my entire life. It’s an odd feeling. More on that another time.
Who knows where I’ll be in 6 months in? A year? Maybe, to be continued.