What does it mean to bet on yourself?
For me, betting on myself meant doubling-down on who I am and what I’m meant to do. Taking personal risks meant making firm decisions with real stakes. Gambling on me was about getting out of indecisive dabbling and moving forward with conviction.
”Bet on Myself” was my orienting phrase for 2022.
(Image Description: Four coasters each with artwork with different cultural representations of Divine Feminine. Each coaster has the word “BET” in it. A gift given to me from one of my seminary classmates.)
Looking back on my year, what I found is that when I double down on who I am, what helped me do more was doing less. I’d later learn in class that I was practicing the Daoist idea of “Wu Wei” or “doing by not doing”.
The best wager I ever made on myself this year was trusting that coming from a rested place was the best thing I could do for myself.
It required a lot of discipline, discernment, and disengagement.
Here’s what it looked like in practice:
Making Space
-I wrote for publication WAY LESS. I continued to journal privately as a regular personal practice.
-I indulged in three solo trips by myself to Portland, California’s Bay area, and to a hot springs resort. I mostly just rested, cultivated joy, and celebrated me for a total of 10 days. Much healing took place.
-I worked only 2 days a week at my “day job” for almost the entire year.
-I took frequent vacations.
-I put pauses on socializing when I needed space to focus on school.
-When school was over for the summer, I did NOT fill the open time with other commitments.
-I put down my phone and responded to texts later.
When I did apply myself, I found that I got more done in less time and without nearly as much stress. I’d even dare to say that leaning in came with much more ease. I did the following:
Imag
-I wrote 3 stories as a new ghostwriter for the “Give Grief A Voice” project, a non-profit who aims to destigmatize grief in the unexpected loss of young children
-I was published in the South Seattle Emerald’s 8th Anniversary Collection, “Emerald 8: Making Ripples and Sparks at Home”
-I interviewed Stanley Shikuma about TSURU for Solidarity on the “In The Moment” podcast
-My full-length play, “The Master’s Tool” was selected for Kwento Times Staged Reading Festival at Bindlestiff Studio
-I finished all my papers, projects, and assignments for grad school on time or early, including when submission was due while I had Covid.
-I helped launch the Filipinx curriculum for middle school/high school @ SPS- this included journalism coverage on its development, advocating for its implementation at my daughter’s school, and participating in committee meetings.
-I procured $7,000+ in funding for Families of Color at my daughters’ school and established the group as a new committee.
-I was co-presenter at the UUGA conference, supporting my beloved colleague on a conversation on Neuroethics.
-I celebrated my 40th birthday with a co-hosted party with Ryan
-I still was able to attend my kids’ events, performances, and competitions to cheer them on
-Ryan and I started our weekly Thursday night date night
-I applied for and received thousands of dollars in scholarship to continue my degree
-I still managed to make the same income as previous years in my dog grooming business even when I worked less, successfully supporting my family/life and not making me too tired for school
-I finished the first chapter of my novel!! (first draft)
Let me remind you, Dear Reader, that I rested more this year than any other year in my life.
I. can’t. believe. it.
The last bet I will make on myself this year is to start this substack nearing 10:45pm on December 31st. I am opening myself to the opportunity that people might want to financially support me as a writer.
I’ve just entered my bank account info….
Here goes!